Saturday, June 19, 2004

Record Website Traffic and how to make your very own PVC shoe rack at the home depot

What do I have to do to get people to comment on this site? (it's one click, thanks to haloscan.)

I used to get 2 hits in a day, and some guy or two would write 100 comments each on the site, and we'd have a nice debate.

Today I'm getting, we expect, 4K+ hits and 2K+ unique visitors in the next 24 hours (we've been getting approximately 100 visitors an hour for the last 16 hours), and so far I've been lucky to get one or two comments or trackbacks.

I think the problem is that the 100/hr visitors I'm getting right now are all Republicans (see my earlier story (here) with the statistics that most American blog readers are actually well-to-do and Republican) and they hate the site, whereas the 1 or 2 guys I had before were all Democrats. Or maybe everyone is just too grief stricken following the beheading to post comments.

It doesn't matter. I'm going to get rich selling elephant plush toys or inflatable elephants. I'm working to modify the site right now to add a pop window, hey, may 10 pop-windows, selling inflatable elephants with the Bush-Cheney logo on it. All proceeds go to the Democratic Party (or at least the Kerry campaign --- I don't always vote Democratic but I have serious reservations about the current administration's competence. Some former Republican senior foreign policy experts share my concerns (article here) and have urged people to please, please vote for Kerry in a highly unusual move --- I am not making this up.

With all this Republican website traffic I am going to get rich selling these Republican inflatable elephants. (For my non-American readers, the elephant is the symbol of the Republican Party.)

I have another idea. Some rich friends of my family (or maybe they are actually superrich friends of mine --- don't ask how I know all these rich folks; I wasn't exactly born with a silver spoon in my mouth) have one of their many homes in a gated community in Florida. These are the sort of people Bush once quipped "some people call you the rich; I call you my base." I'm sure they read blogs --- they're probably reading this right now (everyone else is) --- so I'm going to say 'hi.'

The wife spends most of her time shopping (much to the chagrin of her husband) and much of that shopping time is spent buying shoes. At one point she was in serious competition with Imelda Marcos (BBC news story here). I am not making this up. (Well, Imelda always did have a lot more shoes, but you get the idea.)

Anyway --- the husband finally decided he had to put a stop to all of this shoe buying. So he made her a shoe rack out of some PVC plastic pipe he bought at the home depot and two small bookends. Whenever she runs out of space on the PVC shoe rack (which is frequently), she has to start giving away shoes. She has cultivated a rich circle of friendships with women who have the same size feet. I am not making this up.

Anyway, I'm going to be next male Martha Stewart. It turns out you can make a very nice shoe rack with just some PVC pipe and bookends from home depot. I'm going to put the instructions up here someday. I'm also going to put up a bunch of pop-up ads so people can buy a pre-made PVC shoe rack, complete with Bush-Cheney logo on it. Again, all proceeds go to the Democratic Party, or Kerry campaign, or maybe just my bank account. I'm going to get rich selling these Bush-Cheney PVC shoe racks on this site. Yeah.

Comments? I love comments. It's quick and easy --- it just takes two mouse clicks to post your comment, and you can be anonymous. Just click the 'comment' link immediately below.

Related blog stories: Despite living in gated communities and spending too much time at mall, my friends are much too complicated and too real to be described as a Stepford family. Yet one can see how this movie might be interpreted as political metaphor. I wrote two well-received, linked reviews of The Stepford Wives for blogcritics.org ("The Stepfordization of America", here) in which I focused on the rich cinematic history of using robot replicas of humans as metaphors for authoritarian governments.