Sunday, July 25, 2004

DFW gets contract with Fox News (humor)


Earlier this week, we learned from truly authoritative sources like the LA Times OpEds and billionaire Ted Turner that bloggers are not real journalists (shocking!) and that Rupert Murdoch rules the universe (and we thought it was big oil that was pulling all of the strings). I happy to report that many days of sucking up hard to Rupert Murdoch in these pages have finally paid off! DFW has landed a lucrative contract with the right-wing reactionary, err, "Fair and Balanced" Fox News cable TV channel (Outfoxed documentary), owned by Rupert Murdoch's News Corp. Fox News will be using some of the DFW content on their website. In exchange, I will get a large amount of cash paid openly as well as secretly deposited into my Swiss bank account, and around one million hits a day through frequent mentioning of DFW on Fox News and other News Corp assets, including links from News Corp websites. This will make me the most power blogger in the blogosphere! Liberal and conservative bloggers alike will vie for attention in the hopes of a much cherished link from my website. Just 1% of the traffic from my imperial website can make their wildest traffic fantasies come true! Yes!

Of course, I will pretend to be even-handed. I will link some liberal blogs, and mention them sometimes in my pages. The ones that aren't too liberal. And don't splash too many flames over their webpages. The ones that are, perhaps, a little bit more on the windy and silly and less convincing side. Most importantly, the ones that never dare to criticize me. Or my hommie, Rupert Murdoch, who is installing a direct phone line into my office, so that he may communicate securely with me from wherever he is in the world.

Yes, folks, I am now part of the vast Republican Noise Machine, the media empire whose evil tentacles (through me) reach deep into the heart of the blogosphere. Sucking up to power really does pay. [Evil cackle here.]