Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Hurrican Ivan as the Wrath of God on Florida Republicans

It is not a concidence that the American legal system (uniquely) refers to hurricanes and other natural disasters as "Acts of God." Our ancestors believed such natural disasters were not necessarily mere coincidents, but quite possible the acts of the avenging Diety or the inexplicable judgement of a Divine Providence sacrificing one region for the greater good of another. Hurricane Ivan, nicknamed "Ivan the Terrible," the third hurricane to strike Florida in less than a month, is expected to strike the U.S. in the form of a rare, monsterous Category Five hurricane, with wind speeds of more than 140 miles per hour (200 km/hr). Of the course, the Republicans are at fault. Consider this: 1970 and 1994 averaged less than 2 Atlantic hurricanes per year, but ever since 1995 we've been busy. This year we'll have 16 monster storms, with three hitting Florida in a just a few short weeks. (Source: Time Online.) The cause is rising ocean temperatures due to Global Warming (or, more accurate, Global Climate Change), a phenomenon Bush's own scientists tell him is real (as do European Petroleum Firms), but which he, under the influence of his friends at Halliburton and in the oil industry, insists is not.

"The jury is still out" on Global Warming, Bush told outraged Europeans, and de facto had the United States kill the Kyoto Protocol, much to the delight of his Texas oil buddies. Tell that to the Gulf Coast residents, about to get hit with their third monster storm in just a few weeks. Tell it to one of the 16 other monster storms scientists are predicted this hurricane season.

Not convinced it is the Wrath of God against the Florida Republicans? Hurricane Charley, the first hurricane to hit Florida a few weeks back, suddenly and very unexpectedly changed course, swiping the Republican enclaves of Sanibel and Orlando, catching residents of both communities, which had not been evacuated, badly off-guard. Sanibel, of course, is one the richest Republican playgrounds in the United States. Condos on that tiny Florida island sell for millions of dollars. Congressman Goss Porter, Bush nominee for CIA director, used to be the mayor of the Republican city of Sanibel, where he made millions on a newspaper business. Orlando, home of Bush-backing media giant Disney, eager to have a Bush-controlled FCC further increase its media concentration in key markets at the expense of democracy, is not far behind; its gated communities are a Mecca for the very richest Americans, the one Bush "calls his base," as he himself once put it. These are folks Bush wants to give big federal tax cuts to by drastically cutting the top bracket tax rates, while state and local governments squeeze the middle class with increases in their much flatter taxes as the feds cut handouts to the states while forcing them to spend more on terrorism and other new federal mandates.

Don't think it's fair to say that Hurricane Charles was the Wrath of God just because it unexpectedly changed course and struck the two major Republican playgrounds in Florida? Well, prior to running for President, Pat Robertson (now a Senator) went on T.V. after a hurricane unexpectedly changed course and headed out to sea.

Pat Robertson said he prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed to God for the Hurricane to change course, and, after he had finished praying, the Hurricane changed course and headed out to sea, halleluia and praise to God, and this convinced Pat Robertson that God wanted him to run for President of the United States as a Republican. (He didn't win, Praise Be God.) Well, presumably, given his direct phone line to God, Pat Robertson was once again praying for his fellow Republicans down in Florida. This time, however, the hurricane once again changed course unexpectedly. But, rather than head out safely to sea, it struck the homes of Pat Robertson's friends down in Florida. It was a message from God to George Bush's brother Jeb Bush: I am God, Global Warming is Real, I hate what you've done in Iraq, and don't steal the election for your brother this year!!!!!

In case Bush didn't get the message, God has sent two more hurricanes, each one more terrible than the last! (Unfortunately for God, the Bush Brothers are a little hard of hearing. Sooner or later, though, those high winds will get through Jeb Bush's thick skull, if not during Hurricane Ivan, than during God's next disaster.)

Jeb Bush's operatives have reportedly been trying to steal Florida for Bush once again this year. The felon list, once again wildly in error (According to PBS, 95% of those on the list had a legitimate right to vote in 2000.), although it was thrown out. Of course, the Republicans have an ace up their sleeve: the Diebold voting machines. Hence God had no choice but to send no less than three Hurricanes to send a message to those stubborn Bush brothers!

Of course, there is a scientific basis for all of this as well. The Gaia Hypothesis
is a theory that the Earth has complex internal negative feedback loops (like in an electronic amplifier, or in a living organism) that act to maintain ideal conditions, and, like in a living organism, these internal systems will react to an irritant (such as Halliburton) by reacting to expel it. Halliburton causes Global Warming, Global Warming causes majorly nasty Hurricanes, nasty Hurricanes (one, two, three) come after Bush's brother Jeb in Florida.

Incidentally, leaving asside issues like Diebold, bogus voter purge lists, and outright vote fraud, Florida is expected to be extremely close once again this year --- a major battleground state. One pundit already pointed out that these three Florida Hurricanes, like the weather in Shakespeare's Tempest, seem to forshadow the political events of men. A political hurricane, perhaps a repeat of 2000, is forecast to follow shortly the real hurricanes, if Jeb Bush doesn't get religion soon. To prevent that (and get this nasty electorial political hurricane to change course and spare our nation), we shall have to pray for him, and hope Pat Robertson will join us.

This is, of course, a very serious issue. One real concern is New Orleans (fewer Republicans than in Florida, so perhaps it will be spared the worst) could sink under a massive hurricane. This is because New Orleans is below sea level, and relies on a massive system of huge man-made pumps and levees along the Mississippi, to keep the water out. If the sea level rises above the pump's capacity, they will become inoperable for many weeks, and engineers will have no choice but to cut open the levee. High Mississippi waters could prevent that as well, forcing New Orleans to be abandoned for many weeks and perhaps even indefinitely, with billions of dollars in damage. Simulations by Lousiana State Univeristy (which has been trying to convince an apathethic Congress to do something about man-made coastal erosion in the protective wetlands surrounding New Orleans) predicts 300,000 won't leave when asked to do so, potentially resulting a boat life larger than the Dunkirk WWII boat lift. (Source: Associated Press).

The loss of New Orleans due to an Act of God (and the man-made acts of Global Warming , Coastal Erosion, and apathethic Republicans in power who prefered using the billions to purge Iraq of non-existant WMDs and insist Global Warming isn't real) is projected to happen if a hurricane of more than 120 mph hit just west of New Orleans, due to the counter-clockwise rotation of hurricanes. Fortunately, Ivan, which has 140 mph winds, is project to hit somewhere east of New Orleans, which should spare the Big Easy of the doomsday scenario. New Orleans is at the outside of Ivan's projected path (it's thought more likely to hit the panhandle of Florida), but the Big Easy's million residents have still been forced to evacuate.

Global Warming (and the resulting monster storms we've seen these last few years) is, of course, real. Even Bush's own advisors tell him that. So do European petroleum companies, who believe it is one of many reasons they must eventually move away from oil to do business in other forms of energy. But not those boys in Texas. They like the comfortable life, and fear any admission that Global Warm is real might force them to give up their lavish Texas ranches.

Besides, Global Warming (and these monster hurricanes) won't affect them. They've got tons of mullah. When Charley came calling on Sanibel and Orlando, thanks to not signing Kyoto, they had the cash to breeze out of town and head off to their next fancy mansion, somewhere else in the world. (Well, actually, no --- the predictions were off and some of them got hit. But they learned their lesson and didn't stick around for the next one.)

It's the Working Classes, who can't afford to head off to the next vacation home, who get hit by these things. It's the working classes who have to pay the higher gas taxes. It's the working classes whose kids are dying in Iraq while these guys arrogantly drive their gas-guzzling Hummers and insist that Global Warming isn't real even after it's blown one of their houses down.

Like Pat Robertson once pointed out on national television, Hurricanes' paths are controlled by Divine Providence (and are can be omens in Presidential races, or so he once told us :-) ), and this year the Hand of God seems set against Jeb Bush and the Florida Republicans. All of that furious wind and water are the Wrath of God against Jeb and George Bush for rejecting the global Kyoto treaty and stealing that election in 2000. :-) Americans might not know what they did, but God does, and His hand against them is a mighty one. :-) [Too bad for all the poor people suffering down there right now who had nothing to do with Bush's rejection of Kyoto.)

If the voters don't get the Bush boys this year, it seems Global Warming, the Gaia Hypothesis, and God will. Eventually, anyhow.