Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Hurricane Jeanne targets Jeb Bush

Years ago, Pat Robertson interpreted one hurricane's "sudden" change of course as a message from God that he should run (unsuccessfully, praise be to God!) for President.

I suggest instead that that the repeated poundings of Florida by Global Climate Change-created monster hurricanes is a message from God to Global Climate Change-disputing Jeb Bush not to rig the Florida presidential elections again this year!

Not yet convinced Hurricane Ivan is a manifestation of God's Wrath against the environmentally and fiscally irresponsible Bush brothers, a herald of soaring interest rates and slowing economic growth and a military draft yet to come in a --- God forbid --- second Bush term?

Not convinced that that political cloud over Jeb BushÂ’s head that has followed him around since 2000 has now manifested itself as an almost surrealistic hurricane cloud that seems to follow him around and hang over his head? Not convinced Jeb Bush is a surreal magnet for monster hurricanes?

Not yet convinced that the flooding in Florida is a sign from God that the Bush brothers have lost The Mandate of Heaven? Not yet convinced that the Bush brothers have displeased the rain gods? (Or that perhaps Jeb Bush, like the equally dyanstic and imperial Emperor Caligula in I Claudius, has metamorphized into a rain god?)

Well, out in the Atlantic there's tropical storm Jeanne. The National Weather Service is currently predicting that, by Sunday, it will most likely grow to Hurricane strength and reside --- you guessed it --- off the coast of Florida.

My suggestion to Florida residents: dump rain god Jeb Bush safely where they need rain and wind, before Jeanne arrives early next week.

This way, an angry and vengeful God will send the monster storms over to Jeb, and Florida residents will be safe. ;-)